How To Conquer A Break-Up

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As the all-time champion of picking the wrong dudes and settling for douche-bags, I’ve had my fair share of late-night-Adele-soundtracked-weeping-fests. However, now that I’m far too old to be posting song lyrics on facebook that pertain to my grief or selfies on Instagram of my running mascara (Thanks white pillow cases for absorbing all of that…) I’ve decided to compose a “GET OVER IT” guide… mostly for myself to use at a later date. Here’s how to start feeling better, ASAP:

  • Don’t Buy the Hype. The best way to get over a guy is not to find a new one. This ain’t NCAA basketball. Don’t rebound. Don’t drown in Wine-Ice-Cream and RomComs. Get off of Netflix. Actually, don’t take anyone’s advice. Except for mine. Mine is correct.
  • Get Out of Your Own Ass. It’s easy to become super self-absorbed in this time. YOU feel like shit. YOU got dumped. YOU were wronged. Stop focusing on yourself. Entirely. The most recent break up I went through happened the weekend that two of my closest friends were graduating college. I literally COULD NOT think about myself at all because I had grad parties and graduations and other events to attend. Placing the focus on my friends was the best thing to start healing. You realize very quickly how insignificant your problems are in comparison to how wonderful your blessings are.
  • Give. Now that you’ve lost this part of your world, you have space to give. You have more time to offer, more attention, probably more money, and definitely more affection. Give. And give responsibly. Spend your newly found free time volunteering or with your grandma that you haven’t seen since Christmas. Give your attention to worthwhile causes or your grandma that you haven’t seen since Christmas. Give your money to your savings account, or a nonprofit you support. Give your affection to those who know how to hold it (like puppies, Grandmas, babies, etc.) CS Lewis said that nothing you have not given away will ever really be yours. Remember that.
  • Don’t vent. I sought the counsel of a friend, this morning, in my uber-dramatic-post-break-up grief. I asked him simply to pray for me and my friend offered to go above and beyond. He offered to be a listening ear to my troubles and as I thought about unloading all the reasons I was upset and how angry and frustrated I was… I realized that “venting” wasn’t cathartic. Venting just made me angry all over again. “Venting” just forces you to relive and revisit negative emotions. I had no desire to vent. Just to move forward.
  • Disconnect. It’s midnight. You’ve had “Melt My Heart to Stone” on repeat for the past hour and a half (Because. Adele. Just. Gets. It.) and you want nothing more than to unblock WhatsHisFace’s number and tell him how upset you are, or forgive him for any and all transgressions, or inform him of your newly enlightened and merciful stance on life. You’re not gonna try to get back together. You just want him to know that there’s no hard feelings; that you two CAN be friends; that he doesn’t have to feel guilty about dumping you. DO NOT DO THIS. Keep his number blocked. Block him from every social media outlet possible. Block his email address—hell, block his friends. Wait a month. If you still REALLY want to connect with him, you can do the unblocking then. But right now, you can’t properly handle that mess. So leave it alone, sister.

There you have it, Future Kelsea. Stop crying. For God sakes, stop listening to Adele, and pull yourself together! You got this!

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