I am currently dating the guy with THE most friends in the universe. Truly. AND they’ve all been best friends for like 1800 years. Their stories date back to before I was on anyone’s radar. Crawling through the depths of any of their Facebooks will surely result in “OMG what babies” and “THATS what he used to look like?”
It’s adorable. It’s rare. And, sometimes, it makes me insecure.
Insecure only because I barely talk to anyone I went to undergrad with, let alone high school. My “friend group” goes back to the last job or roommate I had. That bums me out sometimes, I won’t lie. But when I sit and really consider it, (and when the going gets tough) it’s hard to deny that I do, actually, have a pretty deep squad. They may not look like my boyfriend’s squad or all live within a 5 mile radius… but the love is the same.
I won’t name their names but they all fit into about five different profiles and they all make my life the beautiful, dramatic, triumphant, victorious symphony that it is. And they all do what any good friend does: they show up.
If you’re in the same boat as me and feeling like your circle is small, take some time to reflect. Here are the five people that are probably already in your squad.
1. Your Soul Sister
Your soul sister (or brother) is the one that, upon some serious reflection, you truly wonder if you two are related in another reality. This person gets you… deeper than your weekend drinking buddies and in a different way than your significant other. She’s the one that you call when your world is ending, when your world is in full bloom, and when your world is ordinary af. Good for a laugh, a deep conversation, or a totally silent car-ride, your soul sister keeps you in check, but in the most loving way possible. She’s seen you at your lowest, is best friends with the skeletons in your closet and can recite every person you’ve kicked out of your life by order of intensity. She’s your world and makes you thankful for things like rolled down windows and fuzzy blankets. Chances are, your Grandma asks you about her and your brother considers her another sister. This is the girl you’re gonna tell your grandkids about and (hopefully) retire to Florida with. She’s your soul sister. You’re attached by all the feels.
2. Your Beloved
When you’re lying sideways in your bed, in the weird limbo of conscious and unconscious, (in the other weird limbo of daydream and legit dream… ) his is the face you see. His is the presence you feel. Your beloved. He is safety and security, laughter and joy, your future and your home. You wonder who you were before you met him, how you got so lucky to know him, and what you’re going to do to be more like him. He’s your gentle pillar of strength. Your confidant. You spend your time with him as preciously, as carefully as you know how. Even if that means doing nothing. Even if that means lying on the floor, giggling your face off. (Your ugly giggle. Your snorts, giggle.) Your inside jokes have rabbit holed into other inside jokes and turned into deep webs of things-that-only-make-you-two laugh. You constantly want to show him off and keep him to yourself. Everything he does makes you swoon. His flaws make him more human, more down to Earth, more approachable. More sexy. He makes you want to be the best, because to you, there’s no one better than him. He’s the best.
🎶 Lucky I’m in love with my best friend… 🎶
3. Your Mom
Who. Can. Replace. Momma Dukes? No one. And do not be deceived, the “Mom” on your squad by no means has to be biological. I have several and they all do a few of the same things.
- Counsel me. Relentlessly.
- Refocus my priorities
- Show me extravagant love
- Have my best interest at heart.
And, just as Moms always do, they have certain super powers. The ability to get stuff done with a quickness and accuracy that you couldn’t. The competence to see in your blindspots. The intelligence to figure out your hardest problems. The gentleness to just make you feel like its all gonna be all right. Shoutout Moms.
4. Your Ride or Die
When she wins, you win and vice versa. Your ride or die is not necessarily on speed dial or in the ten group pics you posted last weekend, but she’s still your No. 1 Supporter. This is the kind of friend that snaps, texts, Instagram stories, emails or carrier pigeons you back no matter what. Day or night. Drunk or sober. Whether its been months or weeks or days since you’ve seen each other. She gets you on a high level. A 30,000 ft view level. She knows your long term goals and wants to help you achieve them, even if it’s from a far. Even if it’s from behind the scenes. Even if she gets no credit, no thank you, no trophy. She’s the Drake of your squad. Be thankful.
5. Your Sleeper
I’m sure someone popped in your mind as soon as you read that header. Your sleeper is crucial to your squad. Your sleeper reminds you that time and distance are no match for true friendship. You haven’t seen this girl in a year. Maybe longer. But when you’re planning out your future wedding while scrolling through color palettes on Pinterest, you wonder how she’d look in coral. She’s a no brainer. She only texts you when she has something to say, and you appreciate that. Your love for each other is deep and personal and complex. Not to be clouded by the mundane trivialities of the day-to-day. When you see Your Sleeper, you have so much to catch up on that she only gets the meat of what’s truly going on in your life. (And vice versa.) Her advice is the advice you would give yourself if you could step out of your situation. If you could get your head out of your ass. She knows you, and you know her. And when either one of you needs each other, guess what? The Sleeper wakes up.
When I reflect on who all of these people are, I start to wonder how any human finds sanity without this richness. That to not have these people in my life would not just make me “poor,” but a miserable, unethical bag of bones. I am who I am because of the village that surrounds me, the family that prays for me, the love that fills me. And that gratitude, that recognition abolishes any insecurity that ever dared enter my mind. Because even if its a small circle, it’s the most bomb circle in the world, ya dig?