Here’s an abbreviated version of everything I’m #CURRENTLY. Check out my new YouTube channel for more videos and don’t forget to like, comment and subscribe!
If you ready my last post On Interdependence, follow me on Twitter, or have been a fly on the wall in my home– you know that I’ve been struggling for the past couple of weeks. Here’s the abbreviated version: I went on a work trip, came home, and felt like an alien in my own body. I was sitting on my couch and staring at Derek and living my life but not feeling and existing in the way that I used to. I was overcome with sadness and apathy. I slept and ate nothing and cried. For 3 days. Happy to report that I’m feeling better — but still dealing with some anxiety and general feelings of just not feeling like myself. This is all hard to explain and even harder to navigate, but here’s what I truly believe has got me like 85-90% back to normal:
- Derek. There are kind, selfless, humans in this world, and then there is Derek. The only way I can describe his love, patience, and empathy is through hyperboles like “limitless” and “unconditional.” He loves me like family. Almost like it’s wired into his DNA. Almost like it’s second nature or just what he’s supposed to do. Through every mood, every low, every tear, every kiss, every fight, every laugh. He is a consistent, solid, unshakeably kind and loving mountain. I’m certain I’ve done nothing in this life to deserve him– yet, there he is, always on my horizon. Always gracing my sky. Always shielding me. This experience has given me endless empathy for those who struggle daily with mental health issues. It’s given me the same emotions for those without a Derek Mountain in their world. How do they get through the day? I’ll never know.
- Routine. Getting out of bed, (the arduous task that it is) stepping on the mat to do yoga, sipping coffee, putting on work clothes. Submitting to the motions, even if that’s all they are… it helps so much.
- The Grace of God. When I take stock of my life, what I’ve been through and how richly I’ve been blessed, I can only conclude two things: One. there is a King with endless mercies showing me unconditional, unending love, with a plan for my life. Two. There are souls, pleading with this King on my behalf. Souls of unswerving hope. Souls with pure hearts and clear minds. Souls like my grandmother. I believe, (like in my bones and in my belly and when I close my eyes and when no one is around) that this King’s love for me and love for those who beg Him nightly to show me favor, have brought me out of this darkness. And can bring me through anything.
Listening To: Anberlin
Listen, Anberlin is my jam. This band is comfortably sitting in my Top 5 Favorite Bands of All THYME! Why? I think 70% is the nostalgic factor. I grew up on Never Take Friendship Personal. And seeing them on their FINAL tour, was legendary. I love this band. I forget about them all the time. But they will always hold a very special place in my heart.
Watching: Bojack, Vice Principals, USMNT
Celebrating: FALL Y’ALL
I’m a lifelong fall hater. Here’s why:
- It doesn’t last long in Columbus, OH. It’s like a cool 12 seconds and then it’s winter for 6 months.
- I’m not a huge football fan? I mean, I love Ohio State as much as the next Buckeye, but I don’t understand American Football for like… a second.
- I hate socks. Random fact about me. You kinda have to wear socks like daily, beginning in this season.
- I don’t like scary movies. I don’t like being scared.
- I don’t look cute in hoodies.
- Bonfires are cool, but even better in the summer, imo.
So, when I was asked to do a photo shoot at a Pumpkin Patch and be as “Fall as possible” there was a huge “le sigh.” However, something about being completely immersed made it kind of attractive to me. And the icing on the pumpkin-flavored cupcake was spending the day watching Derek’s goddaughter explore the same pumpkin patch/apple orchard.
Maybe fall ain’t so bad after all, ya know?
Marriage and Babies — if you watched the video, you know that “that’s just where we are,” right now. We talk about our future kids like they’re in the next room. It’s weird but it’s awesome. Derek and I talk about what we’re worried about in regards to our future children in the video below:
Writing a Book– if I had a quarter for every time my Mom told me I need to “get started on my book,” I would have enough money to hire someone else to write it. I have been reading more, lately, which is (in my mind) preparing me to write a solid, New York Times Bestseller. Just wait on it, guys.
My Career– I’m obviously deep in the digital marketing world. I love it here. Truly. I love writing. I love social media. I love the psychology behind marketing. Love it all. But what’s the end game for me? My own digital marketing agency? That’s what it always used to be– but now that I’ve seen what that actually looks like, do I still want that? I don’t know.
Eating: BIBIBOP Asian Grill
Do it for the culture.
Looking For: A House
For a second there, D and I were knee deep in the weeds of mortgages and home ownership. We’ve since calmed down about it, since we’re in a lease until the summer anyway — but I’d be lying if I said we don’t still hop on zillow and see what’s out there.
Wearing: LIPSTICK BITCHES
Drinking: La Croix and Coffee
I’ve decided to be a La Croix for Halloween this year. More to come on that.
In Need Of: Your Love!
As I venture out into every crazy facet of my life, your love and support is all I need. Thanks for riding with me through everything. I hope I can reciprocate.
THAT’S ALL FOLKS!