Conspiracy

 

Happy 4th of July. I bring this post to you from the sofa of the silent apartment I am inhabiting in Gahanna, OH, currently. I have spent today in un-blissful rest as I’m pretty certain I have the flu. (Yes, in July. Go figure.) However, today has been most productive. In order to share about the productivity of my day, I should probably update you on my life. Here’s what’s new:

I’m moving.

As things stand right now, I will be moving into my dream-abode: a 2 bedroom, 1 1/2 bath townhome (with a finished basement) with my sisters (Sam and Brittnee) on August 1st. This will be the 3rd time I’ve “moved out” (First was in my dorm room, freshman year, University of Kentucky. Shoutout to Donovan Hall. Second was one of the three apartments I leased with my ex-boyfriend and his son.) and while I could piss my pants in excitement, I will readily admit that I am experiencing some nerves. But Kelsea! Why would you be nervous? You called these girls your sisters!?! Thank you for asking, dear friend. Here’s why I’m feeling a little unsure:

1.) I’ve never lived with “roommates” before. Okay, I guess I had a roommate in college, but she was literally never there and we only “lived” together for 6 months. Plus, I was so afraid of her not liking me, that when we DID have interactions, it was just me sucking up and offering her all of the food I had. So outside of that, I’ve only ever lived with a significant other. I’ve only ever “picked up” after someone I was also sleeping with. I only ever cooked food for, paid bills for, and did the dishes for someone who was fulfilling me in some other capacity… if you catch my drift. I’m nervous that I won’t know how to operate in a “roommate” situation, as I’m sure the rules are entirely different.

2.) Sam and Brittnee already live together. They’ve already done this. They know each others quirks and tipping points. They have their unspoken rules and idiosyncrasies down pat. And while I think I’ve done a pretty dandy job of turning their dynamic duo into a Terrific Trifecta, I’m nervous I’ll be the odd man out, on occasion.

3.) I really like Sam and B. Like, a lot. We all get a long really well, and we’ve made some amazing memories together. There is a weird part of my brain that thinks that us moving in together is going to turn out like a season of The Real World where we all end up hating each other by the reunion show. Ugh.

 

Here’s to hoping all of those qualms remain frivolous.

 

I’m working on my demo.

To be fair, I’d like to think I’ve been “working on my demo” for the past 22 years. But recently I was approached by a few people about my singing and kind of had the heart-to-heart with myself that making music is just simply what I was created to do. Nothing will fulfill me like singing an original song will, nothing brings me closer to God than getting lost in a melody does, nothing will make me happy outside of music. Nothing. And I realized that I am at the place in my life where I can truly dedicate all of my time and energy into truly pursuing my passion. So.. with that said, I have made some connections and am putting in the work to put together a completely original demo. I have a vision in mind, I have concerts in mind, I have videos and album art and merchandise in mind. And you know what I’m doing? I’m putting my head down, and working.

 

I’m still single.

Ha. Surprised? You shouldn’t be. I’m realizing that I’m super weird. SUPER weird. I’ve got the really weird ability to completely cut people off, emotionally. I’m going to credit this to leaving my ex-boyfriend and his son that I had truly grown to love. I know in the back of my head that if I can conquer life without  them, if I can remove myself entirely from their lives, I can truly do that to anybody. Nobody is so close to me that I cannot picture life without them. It’s a cold sentiment, I know, but it’s honest. Unfortunately, this doesn’t bode well when trying to build relationships. I’m trying to navigate it.

 

So how have I been productive today? I’ve spent my day of wallow and self-pity writing songsfor the aforementioned demo, pinning everything imaginable for the aforementioned townhouse, (did you know you can make a queen sized bed out of pallets?!), and even working on some of those faulty relationships I mentioned.

 

Sorry I’ve been so sparse in updating. I can’t promise that I’ll get better, but please know that where I lack in blogging, I have been compensating in songwriting.

 

Enthusiastically Yours,

XO KB

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