I live and die by CS Lewis quotes. If you know me, you know this.
So when I walked out of my boyfriend’s condo this morning in Snobby Richville, Ohio to see that the passenger side window of my car had been shattered and my WORK laptop had been stolen—the first thing that came to mind was a CS Lewis quote. (Well. That was the second thing that came to mind. The first thing was, “fuck.”)
“We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world..” – CS Lewis
Okay God—my attention, you have. For now…
Then the third thing came to mind—I’m totally going to get fired. Then the fourth thing—how am I going to pay to get this window fixed? Then the fifth—do I even go into work? Sixth—incessant tears. Seventh – call your dad. Eighth – go back inside and cry in front of boyfriend…
It wasn’t until endless mercy had been shown to me by my coworkers, superiors, father, insurance agent, etc., etc., that I remembered to talk to God.
I really am deaf.
I was wildly grateful when my supervisor kept telling me to just not worry about it. Or when my coworkers spent the morning telling me stories about when their cars were broken into. Or when my boyfriend was rubbing my back while I was crying to the police on the phone. Or even when the lady at Safelite said they’d come to my job to fix the window…
WILDLY grateful. Like EXCESSIVELY grateful. Like my mind was running through a rolodex of ways I could show these people how much their kindness meant. I’m going to work SO super hard for the rest of my life and kick ass at work forever!!
And then I paused to think about why this happened. And why it happened to me. Random act of foolishness? Perhaps… but I confess that I do not believe in coincidences or random happenings. Here’s what I think God was trying to megaphone to me…
- Obey your parents. Still. Here’s the deal. I’m 23 years old. My relationship with both of my parents is rocky at best. I do not take kindly to being told what to do. At all. Ever. I’ve always been that way. Especially common sense stuff like, “Quit leaving your purse in your car.” I’m quick to get defensive and angry at my parents when things are looking up for me because I get this entitled, independent attitude. But at 6:45am this morning when I was staring at shattered glass and wiping away running mascara—my father answered his phone and was patient with me. And if I had listened to him a million years ago, this whole incident may not have happened.
- Expect the Unexpected. Big Brother fans—you know this phrase all too well. All morning, all I could think about was how much I just did NOT see thing happening. It could not have been a more typical morning. I got ready for work. I bee-bopped out to my car, opened the door and WHAMMO! Broken window. You didn’t see that coming, did you Kels? Just like you didn’t see your parents’ divorce coming, or your ex cheating on you coming, or any life-defining moments coming. Now you’re scrambling around trying to recover and luckily you have a bunch of people throwing you life-vests… but what if you just learned how to swim?
- God’s Still Got Me When I went to school in Kentucky, I met a guy named Curt Vernon. He toted around an acoustic guitar and often went without shoes, but never (EVER) without a smile. Curt wrote a song (that I cannot remember the title of, to save my life) that really stuck with me. The bridge said, “And if I made my bed in hell; You’d come stay the night.” It’s paraphrased from Psalms 139:8 and it’s the most beautiful sentiment, ever. This gracious God who is so jealous for my wicked soul… that He meets me wherever I am. Even outside of my boyfriend’s condo at 6am. So who’s graciousness should I really be so wildly grateful for?
Luckily, by 11:30am, my day had taken a 180. I had scheduled the window repair, my coworker had helped my shield my car from the incessant downpour outside, and I had a new work laptop at my desk. The story of my car getting broken into and my laptop getting stolen had already become old news and I was sipping coffee as if the day had gone as I had expected. But my heart was on The Lord, who never ceases to provide and care for me. Especially when I least deserve it.