“In friendship…we think we have chosen our peers. In reality a few years’ difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another…the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting–any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, “Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,” can truly say to every group of Christian friends, “Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.” The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.” – CS Lewis
I’ve thought long and hard about Step Two.
What do you do after you’ve evaluated yourself?
You’ve stepped outside of yourself and said, “this is where I rock, this is where I suck.” Now what?
Now you need friends.
But Kelsea—I just realized I’m a narcissistic asshole. I don’t have any friends.
Call your Mom.
I truly believe we were not created to wander through this life alone – for several reasons – and today I will focus on the reason of accountability.
Insert my BFF Lauren.
Lauren and I fatefully met in High School (Small. Christian. Uniforms. Nowheresville, OH.) when she offered to a very hungry (very ugly) Kelsea a stalk of asparagus, during 4th period. Before I knew it, she was driving me to auditions in different states and buying me Christmas presents. She was also sending me some very harsh realities.
”You need to stop settling.”
“When are you going to stop dating assholes?”
“I know you think you’re in love but you need to leave this relationship.”
“I know you think you’re hideous, but shut up about it cause it’s annoying and you’re not.”
“There are other things going on in your world that matter more than this.”
“You’re blowing this out of proportion.”
“You have shitty time management.”
“Clean your apartment.”
Luckily, it was my intense sister-love for Lauren (and not a premature onset of maturity and wisdom) that allowed me to really hear what she was saying to me. She would preface all of her blows with a, “Sister. I love you, but…” And I truly believed her. Lauren’s selflessness was all the evidence I needed that she truly had my best interest at heart. I found myself wishing I were more like her in so many aspects—so any warnings or advice she doled out were accepted and written on the walls of my heart.
Maybe I am settling. Maybe he doesn’t really love me. Maybe I should throw away that pizza box…
Further—whenever I do have an epiphany of what I need to be doing to be a Better Kelsea—I know I can count on Lauren to share the weight of that burden. To tell me when I’m not holding up my end. In a loving manner. In my language.
That being said—I know how wildly fortunate I am to have Lauren. I know not everyone gets a Lauren in their lives. I know Laurens are rare diamonds in this rotten, decaying world. I get it. This is why I try to be a “Lauren” to all the other souls in my world. I’d encourage you to do the same. And if you truly have no one in your circle to keep you truly accountable (I was kidding about calling your Mom.) I’d be happy to put your shit back in your face 🙂
… and there is One Guy who is better suited for that job than anyone.
“…I am with you always.” Matthew 28:20, ESV