I am winding down on the tail end of 25 and I have to say, it’s been a glorious age. I was terrified to be this old and now (as is the case with all of my fears) I’m not sure what I was so stressed out about. But before I get closer to the magical, car-insurance-dropping age of 26, here is everything I am currently…
Derek and I have just moved into our new home together and… guess what?! It feels exactly the same. (lol.) We both keep getting asked if anything is different or “what it’s like” to live together… and (so far) neither one of us has noticed a difference, other than an undying urge to decorate and several trips to Target a day. Maybe in a month I’ll be writing to you about how totally different our relationship is, but I highly doubt it. The only real change is that we have more room for all of our things and are splitting bills. So. Win win.
Listening To: Momma.
You know by now that my Mom is my No. 1 source of counsel and wisdom as I walk through life. Luckily, she’s only a call or text away. She’s so much of an authority on all things life that I recycle her advice for my other friends and confidants. I always get a “your mom told you that?” or a “Is your mom a psychiatrist?” or even a “can I call your mom?” Here’s why she’s my go-to for every facet of life:
- She, legitimately, has my best interest at heart. Her counsel is never self-serving. It is always selfless and intended to better me. I can rely on that, whole-heartedly.
- She’s been through it all. From crazy jobs to car wrecks… sometimes just hearing he say “Oh, that’s happened to me a million times. It’s normal,” is like exactly what I need to hear. #clickitorticket
- She knows me. Inside and out. Backwards and front. She can predetermine how I will probably approach a situation and advise me against myself before I even know I’m being stupid. Magic, right?
- She’s my cheerleader. (Always has been.) Every tiny accomplishment is refridgerator-worthy in her eyes. And
all the timesometimes I just need a “OMG you’re seriously SO amazing!”
This is not to say that I have a super traditional relationship with my Mom. (Cause I don’t.) I’m not at her house every Sunday night or on the phone with her every two seconds. She doesn’t jump at the opportunity to do my laundry or buy me stuff. We don’t have matching tattoos or necklaces or bracelets. (Are these aspects of a traditional Mom-daughter relationship, or do I just have weird friends?) But I would not trade what she and I have for anything. I can see, now, (finally) why she was never the Mom I thought I wanted. I can see why sometimes her answer to my cry was “figure it out.” She was grooming me. Preparing me. Teaching me. Loving me. And I am so thankful, everyday, for her unconditional love. For her unconditionally TOUGH love.
When I tell you that I am hook-line-and-sinker for this show, I truly mean it. Carrie is the craziest character I can recall ever “rooting” for in my 25 years of TV watching. Saul is a saint amongst carnal idiots, and Brody… well… nevermind. If you’re 6 years late to this masterpiece of writing and acting like I am, I encourage you to sign up for Hulu and start watching. You… won’t be able to stop.
Celebrating: Dennis + Marie’s Wedding!
I’ve been waiting for this wedding… for way too long. (Says the girl who isn’t planning it or getting married.) I just know it’s going to be so flipping fun! Also, I always consider it a HUGE honor when I get invited to a wedding. Here’s what’s really cool to me about being invited to and/or apart of someone’s big day:
- The Responsibility — weddings are essentially you gathering your entire network together, throwing them a lavish party, and declaring your love for one person, forever. And for us Christians, it’s asking everyone in attendance to hold the bride and groom accountable to their vows, to pray for their union, and to be an example. No small task, but one I appreciate.
- The Cost — obvs, weddings ain’t cheap. Thanks for telling me I’m worth $85, or whatever it costs you to feed and booze me.
- The Memories — we all know by now how much memories are worth to me. (MORE THAN GOLD!) There may not be a more memorable event in two people’s’ lives than their wedding day. A fuzzy image of me doing the Cha-Cha-Slide in the background of those fond thoughts is more than I could ever ask for.
So if you ever send me a wedding invite, (whether I RSVP in a timely fashion or not), I truly appreciate you letting me be apart of something so monumental. (And I will be on the dance floor!)
Thinking About: BABIES!
Oh, sweet reader of the blog, you read that word right. I. Been. Thinking. About. BABIES. That might be TMI, but the whole point of this blog is vulnerability, and, frankly, catharsis. So, there you have it. Babies are on my mind all the time. What mine would look like. What I’d name them. What I’d look like pregnant. If I’d breast-feed or not. How many I want. What gender I want. How I’d raise them. What I’d teach them. Where they’d go to school. Where they’d go to college. What my baby shower would look like. Walking around Giant Eagle with a kid on my hip. Driving a mini-van. Getting a Mom-Bob. Car-seats. Nurseries. Etc. Etc. Etc.
Now, let me set the stage for why this is a big deal. (I will do this with a bulleted list as I have clearly grown very fond of these.)
- Never wanted ‘em.. Ask any and everyone I went to grades 4 through college with. I’ve always told everyone that kids were just not my thing, and that I would much rather travel the world with my husband or retire early or whatever! I’ve never wanted to deal with pregnancy. Never wanted to do the whole labor thing. And then RAISING a kid? All I ever saw were 10 million cons and a handful of pros. Not. Worth. It. And you know what made it worse? Everyone telling me I would change my mind. That made me want to prove them all wrong so badly that I swore to myself that even if I ever did change my mind, I still wouldn’t have a kid. Just.. to be petty.
- Not ready for ‘em. Ha. Obviously. I’m not even ready for a dog. Or a house plant. Or fresh produce. I can’t have a kid. I can’t be responsible for someone’s entire life. But… gahhhh they’re so freaking cute.
- Nothing to blame. My biological clock is not ticking. I’m not swimming in pregnant friends or babies. Hell, my mom has even eased up on asking me when she gets to be a grandma. So how come everytime I close my eyes to go to sleep, I see myself in a milk bath with surrounded by rose petals, rubbing my enormous baby bump?!
I’m going to blame the whole “I-found-the-right-guy-and-I’m-super-in-love” thing? Or maybe the whole “we-built-a-home-together-what-else-can-we-create?” thing…
Or maybe the “I’m-twenty-five-and-every-other-plan-I-had-for-myself-at-this-age-was-wrong-so-why-not-kids?” … thing. Who knows. Don’t worry… I’m not planning on making one tomorrow. Just letting yall know… they’re on my mind.
Eating: Hot Dogs. (On the grill, baby!)
Looking For: Patience
Where did mine go? I can feel it draining from me every evening like losing a buzz or a sugar high. I wake up positive enough, but by 5pm, I am void of almost all of the fruits of my character. My patience, my joy, my kindness, my love. I am quick to anger and justified, entitled and irritable. And the worst thing about it all is that I can tell. I can hear myself being judgmental, I can see myself being stand-offish. Maybe I’m just moody, maybe I’m just going through something, maybe I’m just spiritually not sound. I’m working on it, yall. I’m a work in progress, always and forever.
Supporting: Black Creatives
I’m in a lot of “groups.” (Why the quotation marks, Kels? Great question.) Because the groups I’m in all serve a purpose. They’re all meant to be a community. A sounding board. A union of like minded people who edify one another. As a result, the groups foster vulnerability and openness.
I am often the only person (or of a small minority) who looks like me in said groups. Even in the women’s groups or the creative groups or the digital groups. And, don’t get me wrong, I am all about finding your tribe and loving them hard. I love my tribe. I love the women and the creatives and the nerds that I get to hang out with in all of my groups. I am vulnerable with them just as I am with you. I open up to them and I listen to them. And listening to the struggles and triumphs of people who look nothing like you, I think, is one of the most powerful, intelligent things you can do. But I would love to be a part of one group (just one) where I am not in the minority. (Why does that even matter, Kels? Great question.)
Think about it, and answer honestly. How many times have you walked into a room, driven onto a street, or entered an event, a job interview, a networking function, whatever, and been the only ___ person. The only white person. The only female person. The only digital marketing person. The only young person. Whatever.
You notice it right away. It sticks to you like humid air. It’s not bad, but it’s, there. It’s on your mind and on your face. You’re different. You stick out. Everyone here probably has some preconceived notion about you. Your insecurities heighten. You can’t be your best self. Your natural self.
That is pretty much every day of my entire life.
Imagine trying to be creative in that environment. Or extroverted. Or genuine. It’s… hard. It’s unnatural. It doesn’t come easily.
I know that the Creative Community (at least in Columbus, and from what I can tell, the nation) is not home to a lot of POC (people of color). I just want to change that.
Stay tuned for how I’m going to do that.
Wearing: Strength and Dignity.
“She is clothed in strength and dignity. She can laugh at the days to come.” Proverbs 31:25
Coming from a lifetime of Christian education, I am fascinated by the verses in the Bible that seem to “go viral.” The ones that become Marilyn Monroe posters on every girl’s living room wall. John 3:16. Philippians 3:14. Psalm 23. These are the verses that end up in Instagram bios and foot tattoos. (No offense if you have one, they’re dope verses.) Why are they so popular? Why do the resonate with people who don’t even subscribe to this religion?
I have no idea. (Well, I have some ideas, but this blog post is already like 18 pages.) But I can tell you why Proverbs 31:25 resonates with me.
The Proverbs 31 “Woman” (I’m not sure why I used quotation marks there, don’t ask me) is not necessarily something I can say I have aspired to be. The entire passage talks a lot about submitting to your husband and caring for the children and being a good homemaker. Which are great virtues, but have never necessarily appealed to me. (Don’t worry, God’s not gonna strike me down. We’ve already chatted about this.) And, honestly, I think I can still be the Proverbs 31 Woman without kids or a husband, and with a full time job.
Because the Proverbs 31 Woman is strong and dignified. She places her trust not only in The Lord but in the values and beliefs she holds. In her work ethic. In her capabilities. In the partner she’s chosen. In whatever season of life she’s in. She laughs at the days to come because she knows she is doing all she can to make them great, and the rest just isn’t up to her. And probably because she has a super cute laugh and a gorgeous smile.
So I am “wearing” strength and dignity, for now. For as long as I can. And I’m laughing at the future as it comes.
Drinking: Tim Hortons XL Coffee. (shot of espresso)
Currently, as I type this.
In Need Of: An Interior Designer
Moving in with Derek has been amazing. And, honestly, I think our place looks awesome. (Photos above.) But I wish I had that designers eye to like take it up another notch, you know? I wish I could walk into Target and say “Yes, we should get that gold lamp because it will tie in the gold thingie we have in this vase and the legs on the coffee table.” But… I can’t. I just say “this is cute and it’s the same color as the rug so let’s get it.” Meh.
That’s all I’ve got. What are you #Currently?